JOKES PAGE 2 Hacko The Clowns Favorite Jokes © 2002 Craypoe Productions

	HOW MANY DRUMMERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? NONE, THEY HAVE MACHINES THAT DO THAT NOW.
	WHAT DID THE DRUMMER GET ON HIS I.Q. TEST? DROOL.
	Technology for country folk... 1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter. 2. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. 3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove. 4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. 5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood. 6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood. 7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood. 8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. 9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. 10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside. 11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season. 12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do. 13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. 14. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the botton of the munchie bag. 15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields. 16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. 17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. 18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys. 19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs. 20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. 21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof. 22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine. 23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all". 24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks. 25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.
	A LETTER FROM MOM DEAR SON, I'M WRITING THIS SLOW 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN'T READ TOO FAST. WE DON'T LIVE WHERE WE DID WHEN YOU FIRST LEFT. DAD READ IN THE PAPERS THAT MOST ACCIDENTS HAPPEN WITHIN 20 MILES OF HOME, SO WE MOVED. I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEND YOU THE ADDRESS BECAUSE THE LAST FAMILY WHO LIVED HERE TOOK THE NUMBERS WITH THEM SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR ADDRESS. THIS PLACE HAS A WASHING MACHINE. THE FIRST DAY I PUT FOUR SHIRTS IN, PULLED THE CHAIN, AND I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM SINCE. IT ONLY RAINED TWICE THIS WEEK, THREE DAYS THE FIRST TIME AND FOUR DAYS THIS TIME. THE COAT YOU WANTED ME TO SEND TO YOU, YOUR AUNT ETHEL SAID IT WOULD BE TOO HEAVY TO SEND IN THE MAIL WITH THE HEAVY BUTTONS IT HAD ON IT. SO I CUT THEM OFF AND PUT THEM IN THE POCKETS. ABOUT YOUR SISTER, SHE HAD A BABY THIS MORNING. I HAVEN'T FOUND OUT WHETHER IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL, SO I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE. WELL, I GOTTA GO. LOVE MOM P.S. I WAS GOING TO SEND YOU MONEY BUT THE ENVELOPE WAS ALREADY SEALED.
	WHAT DO YOU CALL A FASHION MODEL WITH HALF A BRAIN? GIFTED.
	WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUMMER AND DR. SCHOLL'S FOOT PADS? DR SCHOLL'S FOOT PADS BUCK UP THE FEET.
	A MAN WAS READING THE NEWSPAPER AND NOTICED AN AD THAT ANNOUNCED A NEW PORSCHE ON SALE FOR ONLY $500. THINKING THAT IT WAS EITHER A MISPRINT OR A JOKE, HE DECIDED TO CHECK IT OUT, IF ONLY TO SATISFY HIS CURIOSITY. SO HE WENT TO THE HOUSE OF THE LADY SELLING IT. SHE LED HIM TO THE GARAGE AND SURE ENOUGH, THERE WAS A BRAND NEW PORSCHE SITTING IN THE GARAGE. "WOW," SAID THE MAN, "CAN I TAKE IT FOR A TEST DRIVE?" "SURE," ANSWERED THE LADY. SO THE MAN DROVE THE CAR AROUND THE BLOCK AND WAS AMAZED TO FIND THAT THERE WAS NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH THE CAR. SO WHEN HE GOT BACK TO THE LADY'S HOUSE HE ASKED HER, WHY ARE YOU SELLING THIS GREAT PORSCHE FOR ONLY $500?" THE LADY LAUGHED AND THEN REPLIED, "MY HUSBAND JUST RAN OFF WITH HIS SECRETARY AND HE TOLD ME, "YOU CAN HAVE THE HOUSE AND THE FURNITURE, JUST SELL MY PORSCHE AND SEND ME THE MONEY."
	HOW DO YOU KNOW IF THE FBI IS KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR? THEY'RE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR WITH A BATTERING RAM.
	There was a man called Jim, who lived near a river. Jim was a very religious man. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jim says, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." The man in the boat drives off. The water rises, so Jim climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jim to get in. Jim replies, "No, that's okay. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves. The water rises even more, and Jim climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jim to climb up the ladder and get in. Jim tells her, "That's okay." The woman says, "Are you sure?" Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me." Finally, the water rises too high and Jim drowns. Jim gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. Jim says to God, "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?" God replied, "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"
	A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah, excuse me Mister, but what are you doing?" The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"
	A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. Then, when they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
	Fearless Cowboy: A cowboy in the old West walks into a tavern and orders a drink. He gulps it down and then walks outside, but notices that his horse is gone. So he comes back inside and shoots his Smith & Wesson revolver into the air and says, "My horse is gone. I'm going to count to ten and when I'm done, well, let me just say this: I don't want to have to do what I did in Dallas." So about ten other cowboys run outside and when he's done counting to ten, he goes outside and his horse is back. He starts to ride away. When he gets about ten yards from the tavern, a very curious stranger rides up to him and says, "I'm just wondering, but what'd you do in Dallas?" The cowboy turns to him and says, "Well, I had to walk home."
	CONSTRUCTION WORKERS Two dumb guys were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding. The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding." The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
	A butcher was minding his store one day, when a dog ran in and stole a cut of meat off his counter. The butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor who was a lawyer. He called up his neighbor and said, "Your dog stole meat from my store. I believe you owe me for the meat." The lawyer said "You are correct. How much was the meat?" The butcher told him that it cost $4.50, the lawyer replied that the butcher should receive a check for that amount in the mail the next day. The next day, the check arrived in the mail for $4.50, with a bill attached for $150 "for legal consultation."
	SOMETHING FOWL A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man boxes them up and hands them over. Another week goes by and the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow," the co-op man replies, "you must really be doing well." "Naw," says the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart."

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